WORST MONTH EVER

*Rant warning and self pity warning*



>8U I hate this month! My reasons!!!!!
1. Mom's a WRECK. She's upstairs crying and being miserable.
2. Her anxiety pills? They haven't been refilled yet. So she EXTRA crazy.
3. I have to SHUT UP and LIVE WITH IT.
4. Yah, Imma wreck on the inside to, minus the anxiety pills.
5. I have a nice project with some seriously slacking partners to attempt to focus on during the turmoil.
6. Mid~terms have decided to plant themselves on the week that I need them the LEAST. I can't focus when I worry about my mother and what I can do to help.
7. No, no one in my family knows that I also feel screwed up.
8. It's gotten to the point where I don't even wanna enter the kitchen late at night.

For those of you who don't know the story~
My grandmother died in a kitchen fire three years ago. Most of you would think that I should be over it by now? WRONG. My mom had to put her out, literally. Try putting yourself in her shoes. Try watching your own mother die.

For those of you who do know~
No, I haven't told you everything. So here it goes, I might as well, I was woken up on a Tuesday school night to my mom crying and pulling on a sweatshirt. My brother shook me awake and said the exact word, "Paige, we have to go to the hospital." My first thoughts were, "Is Mom okay?" I looked and saw her, and was relieved. My next thoughts "Did Grandma fall or something?" IF ONLY I KNEW.

We arrived at the hospital, the ride didn't take long, but it felt like it. We got there, and my entire family, EXCLUDING ME, let to go and see Grandma, I was left under the nurse's care. Who just continued working on the computer. Next, we were transported to a waiting room for a bit, and this lady that helps people deal with trauma came to talk to us, she was nice. I liked her. Then they all went to see Grandma again. I was stuck out in the hallway. And eleven year old girl with a stuffed rabbit waiting outside the room in which her Grandma was facing death, a priest was comforting her in, and the room that my family became a mess in. I was alone there. For about an hour or two.

Aubrey, Art and I left for Art's and his friend's house. Where I attempted and failed to fall asleep at 4:00 am. I awoke the next morning with high hopes, thinking Grandma had lived and was going to recover, I was a child with high hopes and a great outlook on the world. I went downstairs, and my mom told me that Grandma had died at exactly 6:15 that morning.
IT'S A SAD THING TO HAVE THOSE LAST AND FINAL HOPES CRUSHED.

Forget being happy, forget trying to pretend it's over, screw that.
February Sucks.